So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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