my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
