yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
