The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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