I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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