my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
