it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
