I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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