You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
