I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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