I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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