I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
