I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
