I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
