i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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