Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
