Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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