I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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