arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
