I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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