Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
