the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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