i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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