Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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