i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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