so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
