How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
