You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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