Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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