ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize