we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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