You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
