isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
