you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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