his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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