Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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