I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
