so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
