I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
