Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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