It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
