I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
