I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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