Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize