You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
