Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I am one with the molecules
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize