I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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