Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
