Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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