would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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