you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
