funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
