he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
