I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
