True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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