i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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