dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
