Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
