I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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