Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
