Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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