My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
