He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
