It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
